All Things Toast

…Or, how to succeed in basic without really trying.  FYI, toast is uber trendy lately, in case your instagram feed has somehow avoided the avo onslaught so far (sorry not sorry for being part of the problem).  If this were 2001 and the sequel hadn’t been so universally panned, I might pull a Zoolander and inform you that toast’s so hot right now.  But it’s 2016 so I will refrain.  (But see, I still got to make my lame joke anyway.  Clever of me, no? ….hello?)

Aaaaaanyway, toast.  We all know it’s delicious.  We all know burying it in avocado is ALWAYS a good idea. (See?  SEE??)  But there is a big wide world out there outside of avo toast, and it tastes like magical wonderful unicorn rainbows.  So let’s take a lil journey through what essentially amounts to my lunch every day from now until the end of time, shall we?

Say hello to my little friend.

Say hello to my little friend.

Exhibit A.  Sprouted grain toast (Ezekiel knows their stuff), topped with (too much) goat cheese, smoked salmon, pickled red onions, fresh parsley, and pepper.  It’s so ding dang darn colorful, how can you NOT eat it? And also photograph it.  And instagram it like the basic bitch you pretend you aren’t because it’s not cool or whatever.  I’m here for you.

Green things! This is what passes for health food in my kitchen.  Play along, please.

Green things! This is what passes for health food in my kitchen. Play along, please.

Exhibit B.  Sprouted grain topped with homemade ricotta (my favorite recipe is Bon Appetit’s), blanched asparagus, a healthy squeeze of lemon juice, pepper, and a drizzle of olive oil.  I’m pretty sure it’s a real thing that if the top layer of whatever you eat is green, anything less than virtuous underneath is cancelled out.  So next time you’re hitting up your favorite fast food joint just ask them to stick a piece of lettuce on top of the whole shebang and your arteries will stay squeaky clean.  Trust me, I’m a doctor.* (*Of law. Do not trust me).

And now for something a little sweeter...

And now for something a little sweeter…

Exhibit C.  My old standby sprouted grain bread, this time with whipped lemon goat cheese, blackberries, mint, and pepper (and maybe a drizzle of honey?  I forget, but if I didn’t do it, you should).  I am definitely not one of those food blog people who spend hours on end using tweezers to place every chia seed juuuuuust right in order to convince the internet that their recipe is worth trying.  But I maybe did try to make the mint leaves not look terrible.  Being artistic would make this whole food blog thing so much prettier!

Pls ignore the bite mark.  I was hungry and it looked too good to wait.  So sue me.

Pls ignore the bite mark. I was hungry and it looked too good to wait. Can you honestly blame me?

Last but most definitely not least!  Ezekiel (naturally), goat cheese, smoked salmon, scallions, dill, and pepper.  You could put dill on a big ole pile of cow turds and I’m pretty sure I’d eat it with a smile on my face.  And since I wrote that on the internet it’s definitely true and I can never take it back, so if you actually know me please don’t hold me to it.

Look, we are all adults here.  Or at least old enough to be literate.  So I feel pretty safe in assuming you don’t actually need someone to tell you how to make toast and put stuff on top of it.  But toast is such a fabulous blank canvas, it’s practically begging to be topped with something more than just butter and jam (not that there’s anything wrong with those options either).  If that something happens to involve cheese you’re definitely doing it EXTRA right, but there’s no real way to do toast wrong.  Except maybe the aforementioned cow turds with dill.  Ugh, I am regretting putting that on the internet already.

Also, if you know how to make those avocado roses that are cropping up all over the interwebz, PLEASE tell me because they’re so beautiful I can’t even stand it.