Magical Breakfast Sandwiches with Homemade Everything Bagels and Quick-Pickled Red Onions

We need to talk.  This is an important, long overdue conversation.

Sometimes, on Halloween, people consume…adult beverages.  And sometimes, they consume those beverages without drinking enough water, or spacing them far enough apart, or a million other things.  And this behavior results in…

The Dreaded Hangover.

Look at how awesome my talented friend's sweet Etsy T-Rex mask was.  SO many hours of folding and taping.    But totally worth it.

Look at how awesome my talented friend’s Etsy T-Rex mask was. SO many hours of folding and taping. But totally worth it.

Now, there is a lot of wisdom out there when it comes to preventing, and subsequently managing, the Hangover.  I am a firm believer that as much water as you can drink before bed, and then 2 more glasses, is the key to prevention.  But should these preventative measures fail, the absolute supreme best cure for a hangover is MOST definitely eggs.  Greasy ones if possible, but any egg will do.

And that, my friend, brings me to the best friend of hungover AND not-miserable people alike: the breakfast sandwich.

I love you, you're perfect, now (don't) change.

I love you, you’re perfect, now (don’t) change.

Breakfast sandwiches are an EXCELLENT hangover cure thanks to their carb-y, eggy goodness.  But also they’re delicious and are definitely not the exclusive purview of those who have over-imbibed.  In other words, this does not have to wait until you’re hungover.  You can make these anytime.  Isn’t life just the best sometimes?

This sandwich is no "yoke."  ...I'll see my self out.

This sandwich is no “yoke.”
…I’ll see myself out.

Assembling this breakfast sandwich takes precisely as long as it takes to toast a bagel and fry one egg to perfection.  One your bagel is toasted, fry that egg, and while that’s going on:

  • Smear your freshly-toasted bagel (everything bagel, of course) with (too much) goat cheese
  • Add a few of the prettiest pink pickled red onions you ever did see
  • Add in anything else your hungry lil heart desires (I HIGHLY recommend some alfalfa sprouts, but you do you)
  • Once the egg is done to your taste, pop it on your bagel and devour.
I am pretty sure I'm having feelings for this sandwich.  Like, deep feelings.

I am pretty sure I’m having feelings for this sandwich. Like, deep, personal feelings.

SO.  Now we get to the fun part: the making of the bagels and the pickling of the onions.  Yes, you can do both these things yourself.  Neither of them will prove difficult, though one (the onions) will take a lot less time.  Ready?  Here we go.

Quick-Pickled Red Onions

  • 3/4 c. Vinegar (I used rice vinegar, but just about any vinegar will do)
  • 3/4 c. Water
  • 1 T. Sugar
  • 1 t. Salt
  • 1 large Red Onion, thinly sliced

Combine first four ingredients in a sealable container until sugar and salt have dissolved.  Add red onion and allow to sit at room temperature for at least an hour before refrigerating.  You can add a million different spices to this mix (mustard seeds, thyme, bay leaves, crushed red pepper, etc.) to make it to your taste.  Since they’re pickled, the onions will last a few weeks.  See how easy that was?

Everything Bagels

On a scale of “a little odd” to “crazy lady the neighborhood kids are afraid of,” how weird would it be to use this photo as wallpaper in my house?

Homemade Montreal-Style Bagels

I made this recipe exactly as the NYT told me to, because this was my first attempt at bagels and I was not about to start experimenting with something I thought would be intimidating/difficult to make.  Luckily, it TOTALLY was not.  It takes a little time to make your own bagels, sure, but none of it is at all hard.  This is an excellent way to kill a lazy Sunday afternoon.  And trust me, you will feel like a total badass when you spend the week eating bagels you made from scratch.  Plus, this way you can add as much everything spice mix as you want (because a lot of the ones for sale are WAY insufficiently covered in garlic and onion goodness, let’s be real).

Do exactly what THIS says, except use the everything spice mix below where the NYT recipe calls for poppy and sesame seeds.  And then share with your friends because you’re nice.

~Heaven, I'm in Heaven; and my heart beats so that I can hardly speak~

~Heaven, I’m in Heaven; and my heart beats so that I can hardly speak~

Everything Spice Mix

  • 1 T. each: Poppy Seeds, Sesame Seeds, Dried Onion, Dried Garlic
  • 2 t. Coarse Salt

Stir it all together.  Use it on everything.  Live your best life.

Everything Bagel

In case I haven’t made this clear, THIS is your best life.

This is one of those posts that make me feel like a crazy person as I’m writing, but how can you not be crazy about homemade everything bagels and the magical breakfast sandwich/hangover cures you can make with them??  There’s only one possible level of enthusiasm here, and it’s the all-caps, tons of exclamation point kind.  Please do me a personal favor and try making your own bagels just once.  You will not regret it.  And use pickled red onions in everything.  I don’t even LIKE real pickles.  But pickled red onions?  God’s gift to breakfasts, lunches, and dinners everywhere.

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